Black Girls are Ready to Lead: Celebrating Black Girls This Month & Beyond
Girls get mixed messages as to what it means to be a leader. Often girls are labeled “bossy” when they share and assert their ideas, which dissuades them from sharing.
Girls’ confidence declines as they get older, and their sense of themselves as capable, good at lots of things, and smart enough to pursue their passions becomes compromised throughout middle school and on to high school.
On the other hand, what we see for girls of color, specifically Black girls, is notably different from their peers. In fact, we see that Black girls are the most equipped and eager to lead. Take a peek at what the data tells us:
Black girls' confidence INCREASES from elementary to middle school, while all other groups of girls experience a sharp decline.
Black girls are more likely to believe they are smart enough for their dream jobs compared to their same-age peers.
Black girls embrace being in charge and are not afraid to express their opinions.
During Black History Month, ROX is proud to share these data points from our latest research, Girls, Diversity & The Future. This study offers a glimpse into the world of today's girls and their unique beliefs, behaviors and barriers across demographics. Join us in exploring what lifts-up and holds-back our Black girls and what solutions the research reveals to address the disparities.
Click here to download a copy of the "Girls, Diversity & The Future" study and watch a video of the researchers discussing the findings. Sign-up here to have our next blog sent straight to your inbox!
Why Saying "I love your outfit" Isn't Building Her Confidence
Often, when we greet girls, one of the first things we do to start the conversation is offer a compliment about their appearance -- her cute clothes, shoes, hair or makeup. As a result, girls learn from a very early age that much of their value is wrapped up in their physical appearance. Because of this, girls have an extremely difficult time identifying internal qualities that hold value -- qualities that cultivate true confidence in themselves.
Rather than complimenting girls on their physical appearance, recognize and acknowledge a trait or characteristic that has nothing to do with how she looks. Instead of saying “your outfit is so cute” or “have you lost weight?” or “I love your makeup,” say something like:
“You are so savvy with all of this technology!”
“I admire your persistence this school year.”
“I love spending time with you, you are so witty!”
With this small shift in compliments, you can encourage an internal sense of value and help her cultivate a stronger sense of self-confidence.
For more tips on how to talk with girls, read chapter 1, "What’s Really Going on For Girls, and How Can We Help Them?," of Girls Without Limits: Helping Girls Succeed in Relationships, Academics, Careers, and Life by Dr. Lisa Hinkelman. Sign-up here to have our next note sent straight to your inbox!
Reframing Your Response: Key to Open the Lines of Communication with Girls
Let’s be honest. We, as adults, have a knack for responding to girls in ways that unintentionally raise their defenses and shut down conversation.
I don’t understand you girls and your obsession with social media.
Did you see that ridiculous performance at the awards show last night? You don’t listen to their music, do you?
Your teacher told me that you haven’t been turning in your homework, and I would like an explanation right now.
When we make comments that sound snippy, judgmental, or paternalistic, we are accidentally reinforcing the message that girls’ opinions don’t matter.
If girls, instead, could perceive our response as an attempt to understand, rather than judge, how much more additive could our communication be?
To open up the lines of communication with girls, practice “reframing the response.” To reframe our response, we pay attention to what we might normally say to girls, catch ourselves before we react, and instead shift our nonverbal and verbal messages to invite conversation.
I don’t know too much about social media. What are the apps you’re into, and what’s cool about them?
What did you think of that performance at the awards show last night?
I’m wondering if you’ve been having some trouble with your math homework. Your teacher shared some concerns with me, and I wanted to check in with you.
When we reframe our response to approach conversations with curiosity, rather than judgment, we can encourage girls to continue the conversation, to recognize she has a safe adult to turn to, and to believe that her opinions matter.
For more practical tips and tricks, check out Girls Without Limits: Helping Girls Succeed in Relationships, Academics, Careers, and Life by Dr. Lisa Hinkelman.
And, if you sign-up to hear more from The ROX Institute, our next note will come straight to your inbox!