Reframing Your Response: Key to Open the Lines of Communication with Girls

Apr 6

Let’s be honest. We, as adults, have a knack for responding to girls in ways that unintentionally raise their defenses and shut down conversation.

I don’t understand you girls and your obsession with social media.
Did you see that ridiculous performance at the awards show last night? You don’t listen to their music, do you?
Your teacher told me that you haven’t been turning in your homework, and I would like an explanation right now.

When we make comments that sound snippy, judgmental, or paternalistic, we are accidentally reinforcing the message that girls’ opinions don’t matter.

If girls, instead, could perceive our response as an attempt to understand, rather than judge, how much more additive could our communication be?

To open up the lines of communication with girls, practice “reframing the response.” To reframe our response, we pay attention to what we might normally say to girls, catch ourselves before we react, and instead shift our nonverbal and verbal messages to invite conversation.

I don’t know too much about social media. What are the apps you’re into, and what’s cool about them?
What did you think of that performance at the awards show last night?
I’m wondering if you’ve been having some trouble with your math homework. Your teacher shared some concerns with me, and I wanted to check in with you.

When we reframe our response to approach conversations with curiosity, rather than judgment, we can encourage girls to continue the conversation, to recognize she has a safe adult to turn to, and to believe that her opinions matter.