What Girls Hear When Adults Talk About Their Weight Loss Goals

If you're like us, nearly every adult in your circle is talking about their "new year, new me" goals -- many of which seem to fall into the bucket of weight loss.

The start of a new year is a great time to pause and reflect. What it's not a great time for is the self-criticism that often comes along with that. Diet culture is in full swing right now, and our skinny-obsessed world is taking out all of the stops to ensure we don't feel good enough.

Which means that girls are hearing from the majority of the adults in their lives about their calorie intake, the carbs they need to cut, or all of the exercise they need to do to burn off that holiday fat.

Here's the thing. The majority of girls already lack confidence in their changing bodies. Puberty accounts for some of these confidence challenges, however, girls are also inundated with harmful messages about the ideal body size, shape, and image. These internalized messages can impact the way that a girl feels about herself, which can contribute to lower levels of confidence.

Unfortunately, girls’ perception of their bodies has a huge impact on their self-esteem, and it is not until we de-emphasize the importance of looks and emphasize the importance of other traits and characteristics that we begin to shift these perceptions. We want girls to value who they are and what they are good at over what they look like.

That can start with you. During this season of goal-setting and vision-building for the next year, we encourage you to make a conscious decision to refrain from negative comments about your body and, instead, look for ways to uplift and support those around you.

Here are some other ways to promote positive body image with the girls in your life:

• Work with girls to practice positive, affirming self-talk (and have them hear you do so, too!)

• Help girls identify role models who exhibit a healthy body image and celebrate all bodies

• Talk regularly about how media influences self-image and point out images that promote unrealistic expectations

• Compliment youth on their skills, perseverance, and personality traits, rather than physical attributes

• Role model supportive and encouraging relationships. Do girls hear you disparage or criticize women? Or does she see, in you, an example of what strong and effective relationships can look like?

For more tips on how to talk with girls, read chapter 3, Being a Girl Today is Hard: Gender Roles, Body Image, and Confidence, of Girls Without Limits: Helping Girls Succeed in Relationships, Academics, Careers, and Life by Dr. Lisa Hinkelman. Sign-up here to have our next blog sent straight to your inbox!

"Ugh, those cookies look delicious...but I really shouldn't" 👎

So much of what girls learn about their own body image is through observing women and the relationships they have with their bodies.

Did you know that girls with women in their lives who diet and talk about food, calories, and body size are far more likely to develop issues around their own bodies at a very early age?!

The holidays, in particular, can be a time of year when girls are taking in negative messages about body image. Our girls are listening when we comment on how everything looks so delicious, but we “shouldn’t,” “couldn’t,” or “mustn’t” have dessert.

Be mindful of how you talk about your own body weight, shape, size. Take note of what you are saying about your weight and calorie intake. When we say, "Oh, those cookies look so delicious, but I just shouldn't" or "I am cheating today and going to have to do some extra time at the gym tomorrow" we are negatively shaping girls' attitudes about their own bodies and choices.

Our comments -- no matter how small -- send a powerful message to girls about what their bodies should and should not look like and their own relationship with food.

For more tips on how to talk with girls, read chapter 3, Being a Girl Today is Hard: Gender Roles, Body Image, and Confidence, of Girls Without Limits: Helping Girls Succeed in Relationships, Academics, Careers, and Life by Dr. Lisa Hinkelman. Sign-up here to have our next blog sent straight to your inbox!

Why Saying "I love your outfit" Isn't Building Her Confidence

Often, when we greet girls, one of the first things we do to start the conversation is offer a compliment about their appearance -- her cute clothes, shoes, hair or makeup. As a result, girls learn from a very early age that much of their value is wrapped up in their physical appearance. Because of this, girls have an extremely difficult time identifying internal qualities that hold value -- qualities that cultivate true confidence in themselves.

Rather than complimenting girls on their physical appearance, recognize and acknowledge a trait or characteristic that has nothing to do with how she looks. Instead of saying “your outfit is so cute” or “have you lost weight?” or “I love your makeup,” say something like:

• “You are so savvy with all of this technology!”

• “I admire your persistence this school year.”

• “I love spending time with you, you are so witty!”

With this small shift in compliments, you can encourage an internal sense of value and help her cultivate a stronger sense of self-confidence.

For more tips on how to talk with girls, read chapter 1, "What’s Really Going on For Girls, and How Can We Help Them?," of Girls Without Limits: Helping Girls Succeed in Relationships, Academics, Careers, and Life by Dr. Lisa Hinkelman. Sign-up here to have our next note sent straight to your inbox!