Supporting Girls During Times of Collective Crisis & Trauma
When girls perceive the world as unfair, unjust or unsafe, we have an opportunity to create a safe and supportive environment for girls to share their feelings, fears and frustrations.
“Far too often in our conversations, we have not created the space where we center our young people to understand what they need and the type of conversations that they're having with one another about what’s going on in our country.”
- Dr. Tina Pierce, ROX Trainer & Founder and CEO of WORTH (Working Through Obstacles Reaching True Heights)
CREATING SAFE SPACES FOR LISTENING & OPEN CONVERSATION
Often we wrongly assume that when girls come to us with concerns that they are looking for solutions or advice. In many cases, however, girls are just looking for someone to listen to them and attempt to understand what they are feeling. They want to be heard. If we jump in and try to provide solutions, we may unintentionally shut down the conversation.
Instead of trying to fix the problem or influence her perspective, it is important to create the space where she can express her authentic emotions without fear of being judged or told that what she feels is “wrong.”
Take time to ensure that you understand her. Allow her to speak openly, formulate her thoughts, and try to make sense of her fears or intense emotions. Ask her if she wants your help in solving the problem or if she just needs you to listen. Sometimes simply talking out the thoughts that are swirling around in our heads can provide clarity and calm.
As we help girls distill their thoughts, we have to be cautious of our tendency to shape their opinions to be more aligned with our own. Our goal in connecting with girls is not to have them agree with us or believe our perspective, but to acknowledge and affirm theirs -- to ensure they feel understood and validated.
Finally, when girls are scared or have experienced trauma, we often want to assure them that they are safe and that “everything is going to be okay.” While this can seem supportive and feel like the right thing to say, the reality is that most of us cannot guarantee safety for our girls. Instead of saying, “That won’t happen to you” or “Everything is going to be okay,” we can say, “The fears you are sharing with me are real and I can see that you are scared. Let’s think about some of the things you can do to keep yourself safe and who you can reach out to if you find yourself in a scary situation.”
Girls dealing with trauma and crisis need extra sensitivity, patience and safe spaces to share their true feelings. As adults, we can validate their stressful feelings and model effective coping skills as well as brainstorm and identify strategies and support systems that will contribute to healthy coping.