Have you ever said, "I know what it's like to be your age"?

"I know what it's like to be your age."

Truth be told...adults do NOT know what it’s like to be a teen girl today.

Girls report being under constant stress and that there is no one to talk to about their feelings. There is immense pressure to fit in with their peers, to please parents and teachers, and to act, look, and do everything flawlessly.

Add social media to the mix and girls are navigating a complex and stressful world that is far different from our teen experiences.

As adults, we want to be that person our girls can talk to about their feelings. Sometimes, it can feel like our girls have shut us out before we can even try to help.

While we have good intentions and are just trying to be more relatable, saying, “I know what it’s like being your age,” actually works against us! Statements like this undermine our girls’ unique experiences and what she ends up hearing is, “I don’t understand you and I don’t care to understand you.”

Instead, approach conversations with girls with a lens of curiosity and a desire to understand HER experiences. Rather than trying to convince girls that we get it, we should instead invest time and energy into listening and learning.

So the next time the girl in your life comes to you with a challenge or wants to talk through something with you, try one of these door opening questions:

• "That sounds really hard. What has that experience been like for you?"

• "That situation seems tricky. How do you think you might handle that?"

• "I don’t know too much about that. Can you tell me more?"

For more tips on this topic, read chapter 8, The Pressure to Be Perfect: Stress and Coping in an Age of Perfectionism and Helicopter Parents in the best-selling book, Girls Without Limits: Helping Girls Succeed in Relationships, Academics, Careers, and Life, by Dr. Lisa Hinkelman. Sign-up here to have our next blog sent straight to your inbox!