There Can be a ‘New Normal’ for Women
By Lisa Hinkelman, PhD, LPC
As the summer has progressed, many of us have enjoyed a return to in-person socializing, sporting events and family gatherings. Our workplaces may have started loosening some of the restrictions, increasing face-to-face meetings and events, restarting work travel and attempting to resume pre-COVID operations. We have eagerly awaited the return to school for our kids feeling like this would be the true “return to normalcy” for our lives.
However, as the Delta variant continues to proliferate, families are left to make difficult decisions about whether or not to send their unvaccinated children back to school, whether they should require their children to wear masks and how they should prepare to manage the unpredictable situation as it unfolds in real time.
While these conversations are happening in the public view, countless women are wrestling with their own challenges in how to manage their families, how to maintain their employment and how to continue to move their careers forward in a time when the demands they face are more intense than ever. I’m hearing comments like:
“I can’t go through another year like last year.”
“I am failing at my job and failing my family.”
“I was stuck ‘working from home’ and trying to take care of my kids while my partner kept working at the office. It was near impossible and I came to resent them.”
The unique challenges facing women as a result of COVID-19 have been well-documented, both in the U.S. and globally. At the height of the pandemic, nearly four times more women than men had left the workforce, many to care for children when the schools and child care options were shuttered.
So how does this relate to girls?
At ROX, we often talk about the importance of role models for girls. We talk about the fact that girls need to see what is possible for their lives. They need to see women who look like them doing things that perhaps they never thought possible for themselves. After all, we’ve all agreed that a girl cannot be what she cannot see.
But what happens when girls regularly observe differential treatment, unequal occupational opportunities and a disproportionate distribution of household responsibility? Does this impact the way that she thinks about herself, her options and the expectations that she sets for herself?
What many girls have observed through this pandemic is that, when in crisis, women are more often forced to consider downshifting or leaving their careers and that they also carry a larger share of the household and family responsibilities. In fact, two-thirds of mothers in partnered relationships report that they are chiefly responsible for child care compared to 24% of fathers.
We also know that expectation of domestic responsibility can start for girls while they are very young. In general, girls are more likely to be given household chores like cleaning and meal preparation as well as caretaking responsibilities, such as looking after younger siblings, when compared to boys. During COVID, this reality was amplified with many middle and high school girls responsible for a bigger share of the household and childcare responsibilities. We heard from girls about their frustration with trying to offer support at home while also trying to keep pace with their academic requirements.
Our research, featured in the Wall Street Journal, confirmed that girls are not immune from this stress -- 80% reported feeling more isolated than before COVID and more than half are uncertain or fearful of the future. In the same way that women’s mental health has been impacted by struggling to juggle work and home responsibilities, girls are feeling the weight of this pressure as well.
At ROX, we talk to girls about pushing back against some of the more conventional expectations that have been placed upon them that can hold them back from reaching their full potential -- basically the notion that “boys should do this” and “girls should do this”. What do girls learn when mom is barely hanging on because she is trying to give her best at work and manage the vast responsibilities of the family and home?
If we truly believe that girls can “be anything that they want to be”, we have to ensure that we are intentionally creating environments where this is actually true. Girls need to experience school, home and work environments where equity is valued and equal opportunity is the standard.
So when the data illuminates the fact that, in many cases, women are less valued in the workplace, their paid employment is expendable and that they are the ultimate stop gap when it comes to childcare and family responsibilities, it is time for us to have some tough conversations -- both in our companies and in our families.
How To Better Support Women
Knowing that women are more likely to be responsible for the bulk of the childcare, examine how company policies and expectations may be unintentionally harming women.
Note if you use the term “working mother” more than “working father” or if you have discussions of “work-life balance” that are equally inclusive of men and women.
Create an organizational culture that values parent involvement and engagement. Look for opportunities to make it easier for all to access support and flexibility.
Proactively address the regressive effects of COVID-19 on women’s occupational opportunity. The residual impact of this pandemic are likely to be felt for years to come.
How To Better Support Girls
Give girls a safe place to talk about the pressures they are currently experiencing. Ask open-ended questions that are free from opinions or judgement, such as: “This past year has been really hard for a lot of girls … what has it been like for you?” or “I am hearing a lot of people talking about what it is going to be like for students returning to school this year. Tell me how you are thinking about the start of school this year.”
Ensure equal distribution of family tasks, chores and responsibilities. Both boys and girls need the opportunity to learn all of the various life skills that will help them grow into successful, independent adults. Childcare, cutting the grass, doing the dishes, taking out the trash are all life skills -- not “boys” or “girls” skills.
For more insights into this topic, read Chapter 10 “What do you want to be when you grow up? How stereotypes are holding girls back” and Chapter 11 “CEOs, politicians and superintendents: But where are all the female leaders?” in Dr. Hinkelman’s newest book, Girls Without Limits: Helping Girls Succeed in Relationships, Academics, Careers and Life.
Dr. Lisa Hinkelman is a nationally recognized researcher, speaker, and author, who is a foremost authority on educating and empowering girls. She has spent more than 15 years researching girls and educating adults both as a professor at The Ohio State University and as the Founder and CEO of the national non-profit Ruling Our eXperiences (ROX). Her award-winning book, Girls Without Limits: Helping Girls Succeed in Relationships, Academics, Careers and Life, helps adults understand what girls think and feel about their daily challenges.